Acceptance=?
By Kevin Pettit, Northfield, Minnesota
The Benefits of Forgiveness
The other day I saw an article in a magazine about the health benefits of forgiving others who have caused pain. The article was about how many people have forgiven others and the benefits they feel as a result. The article had a way you could start forgiving, such as believe the person (not their actions) is a benefit to the human race.
Exercising Forgiveness
Right now, it would be very difficult for me to forgive the person who hit my car and caused my brain injury. It’s still hard for me to push through my head the idea that she didn’t mean to hit us. There’s been a lot of talk in my support group about acceptance; some people say it’s important to accept the new you, but I disagree with them.
Self-acceptance
I’ll never accept this new Kevin, his anger-misdirection problems or the slowness of his thinking. It’s not that I don’t agree that this whole accident happened. It did and it really screwed me up - but to me, accepting this accident means giving into it and giving up on my efforts to make myself better. If I do that, I think it will take all the wind out of my sails that are taking me on a route I like. I won’t accept this accident.
But, maybe accepting this accident doesn’t mean ending the struggle to better myself. Should I accept it? What would that mean or change? In one sense, acceptance is pretty easy. Yes, I was in a car accident, had a severe TBI and was in a coma for 11 days. Easy, accepting reality is easy.
In another sense, acceptance is very hard. It means dealing with and putting up with the ramifications. My I.Q. went down by about a third. That’s easy to admit, but hard to live with. I feel that accepting all this would be like admitting defeat in the battle to make my situation better. When you see it in this light, acceptance is pretty tough and kind of bad.
Epiphany
But, on the other hand (if there are three hands), acceptance is good. It implies not dwelling on the past and focusing instead on the future. Acceptance takes my focus and energy off what has passed and happened. It ends my battle against things in the past and compels me to look into the future and what’s going to happen. It urges me not to stay focused on the division line between before the accident and after the accident. It asks me to focus on the future.
In this sense, I really should accept what has passed and it would be good (but not easy) for me accept the accident.
Accepting just means I know and realize (I accept) the best way to overcome my difficulties. In a way, it makes my struggling efforts more effective. I struggle just as much, but my struggles are aimed in such a way as to maximize their benefits and effectiveness. Accepting doesn’t mean giving in, just finding and knowing the best way to fight the battle. It also means being focused on the future, not the past.
*This article was taken from a book written by Kevin Pettit, titled "Rambling Down Life’s Road…”. It chronicles his recovery from a severe traumatic brain injury and addresses his questions of fault, acceptance, the purpose of life, and the existence or nonexistence of a God.
This material is provided by:
Lash & Associates Publishing Training Inc.
708 Young Forest Drive, Wake Forest NC 27587
Tel: (919) 562-0015 www.lapublishing.com
