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By Earline Surratt
of Edenton, North Carolina
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Introduction
How often have you said, or hear it said by a parent, "I could write a book about how brain injury has changed our lives." Earline Surratt has done just that in her new book about her son, Daniel. Now 18 years old and living at home, he was 10 years old when he was hit by a car while riding his bike. Her new book, The Hidden Silence, traces her family's anguish while preparing for Daniel's death and then riding the roller coaster of emotions as he survived. Throughout the struggle, his mother's love and faith helped the family through many dark days of uncertainty, setbacks, and complications. He eventually came home and returned to school and continues to live with his family, but their lives have changed forever. Below are some excerpts by Earline from her book.
Care Giving from the Caregiver Side, “The Deep, Down and Dirty”
This is for you, the caregiver. The one who helps to keep another one's dignity and helps another to stay clean, dressed and looking good. This is for you, the caregiver, who allows time to pass so slowly while you are waiting for them to finish their meal or put their shoes on because their hands don't work. This is for you, the caregiver, that will clean another's nose or ears and even their behind, so they can breathe better, hear better and smell better....I am Earline and I am also Daniel. I am his mouth, his hands and his feet, and even times I have had to speak his mind.
Do you know that you as a person must maintain your own life? In order for you to do your best, you must do some taking care of yourself too. That is a Big Plus. In order to do your best, you need to be content with yourself. Walk away from the load when you can find a time for you. Living as a mother, a wife and now a caregiver for over seven years, I have really had to do some long hard thinking. Take a stand and say to yourself, forget about tomorrow, let's just get through today.
Strategies I have Found to be a Step in the Right Direction:
Ø Do not be afraid to ask questions. There are no stupid questions. Get involved, don’t just sit there and let the staff do all the work. Take advantage of the nurses and doctors, and let them teach you as much as you can learn before you take your loved one home.
Ø Don’t take no for an answer. Make the doctors listen to what you feel when you’re the one attending to the needs and life style of your disabled child or loved one.
Ø When the time comes, and you will know when it is, let go just a little and start stepping back inch by inch. So the person you are tending to can feel somehow, someway that they have some control of their life. Remember to hold your head up high and be proud of who you are and what you have done to make their life a little easier.
Ø If you fail at one thing try again in another area.
Ø Now get your head clear and get together all medical records and doctors’ reports and therapists’ reports. You are then ready to go visit the Social Security Office for disability benefits. They may turn you down and you will fight some more and they will turn you down again, BUT do not quit. My goodness, I had to put up a fight and they still needed more proof. I sent them tons of reports. Now my son is totally disabled and can’t walk or talk, we have to help with everything. So I told them when I sent in my last records, if this doesn’t work, then I will bring Daniel to your office and you can watch him while I go out to lunch. Then let me know when I get back if you still need more records. Thank you.
Ø If you have a school age child, make sure you get all that you can from the school including PT, OT, speech, etc. Get to know the school law and don’t back down. It is the law that your school provides whatever is needed for your child's education. Do not forget this. As a parent, you are in charge now. Let the school know that you know the rules!
Ø Take all the help you can get. I thought all I want to do is get my family back home together, safe and sound. RIGHT? NO! Get as much help as you can get. Let them fill your day up with help, because you will need every bit you can get. And count each person a blessing. Please, remember, DON’T GIVE UP, and talk, talk, talk. God bless you.
Thoughts to live by:
Ø Traumatic brain injury has a way of making age stand still.
Ø Don't turn from me. I understand.
Ø I am blessed because I cared.
Ø Why me and not you?
Ø It's okay to ask questions.
Ø What if this happened to you?
Ø Can you care for the one you love even though they are different?
Ø Where do you go from here?
Ø One day at a time.
Ø Never say never.
Just me - a mother, wife and caregiver for life.
Daniel's story, The Hidden Silence...
can be ordered for $10 plus $2 shipping by mail:
Earline Surratt, 120 Emperor Landing Road, Edenton, NC 27932
This material is provided by:
Lash & Associates Publishing Training Inc.
708 Young Forest Drive, Wake Forest NC 27587
Tel: (919) 562-0015 www.lapublishing.com
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