Gary is the Senior Pastor of a Baptist Church in a town in rural Canada. When I first met him, I felt an instant connection after I learned that one of his daughters is a survivor of a brain injury. I knew that he would understand me, as I too am a survivor. I had been living my story for 32 years and wanted to know theirs. Once I had heard what Gary and his family had gone through, I wanted others to know as well. That is why I asked him and his wife Denise if I could tell the story of their daughter Kirbey.
With other survivor stories I have written, it has always been possible to speak to the person directly. However, Kirbey presented a different challenge. When I have spoken with her on previous occasions, I have been unsure if she comprehended what I was saying. According to Gary and Denise, Kirbey does not understand that she has a brain injury. Her life is the way it has always been. If someone asks her how she is, she always smiles and replies, “Ok!” Her vocabulary is limited and she has a tendency to become preoccupied on an item, resulting in repetitions. My strategy therefore was to not interview her, but to speak with her parents. I also wanted to tell, in some way, how the injury has affected the entire family. An interview was held on February 14th, 2003.
The Day That Changed Everything...
Kirbey acquired her brain injury in February 1991, when she was a 5 ½ year-old child. Her parents were studying at a Bible College at the time. On just an ordinary day, Kirbey and her older sister, Tianna, wanted to walk to a nearby convenience store for some treats. Denise gave them permission to do this on their own for the first time. That was when the tragedy happened. While walking across the street, Kirbey was struck by a car. The driver, a 16 year-old boy, who had only had his license for 1 month, was distracted for a moment. But that moment changed Kirbey’s life and that of her family’s forever. When she was struck she was dragged down the street, tearing and breaking her body. By the time the car finally stopped, Kirbey lay motionless and bleeding. Tianna ran home and entering the kitchen, screamed, “It’s Kirbey! A car hit her!” Gary and Denise ran around the corner and saw their lovely daughter lying in the street.
After being airlifted to the hospital and examined in the Emergency Room, the doctors told Gary and Denise that the prognosis was not good. Besides a broken arm and leg, Kirbey had three fractures to her skull (side, front and rear). She had fallen into a deep coma and remained there for the next six weeks. There was nothing more anyone could do but wait and pray. On the third night, a doctor brought the news that Kirbey’s brain was swelling and that soon her breathing and heartbeat would be compromised. She was beyond hope. The doctor advised Gary and Denise that if Kirbey did not die, her condition would be such that they would wish that she had.
As the family prepared for the end by saying their final goodbyes, Kirbey showed signs that she was not ready to die. The next morning a nurse noticed that her foot was twitching. Over the next few weeks there was more evidence that her brain was resuming some activity. Eventually Kirbey was taken off the life support system. She was now able to breathe on her own!
Life Brings Hope but a Different Life...
Kirbey had regained her life, but … what kind of life? She was not the same child who had set off for the store! When she regained consciousness, she had deficits common to comatose survivors: she could not speak, eat or use her arms. Added to that was the fact that she was blind. The doctors then predicted that Kirbey would never lead a “normal” life and that she would “never be able to think on her own.” Nevertheless, Kirbey was a stubborn little girl! Her vision returned, as did the use of her arms. And then one day, Denise discovered that Kirbey could respond to a question with her own answer. She recognized some flowers and knew that they had a fragrance! After six months in the hospital, the young champion was finally discharged.
At home, new challenges were being met everyday. Gary and Denise were preparing for missionary work overseas. That dream had to be put aside. God had given them the message that they should not give up but He did not give any clue that the road ahead would be so difficult. Their daughter had been transformed. She could no longer run around and play as she had before but now required constant care. That need for care will be permanent. This was the year 1991 and although the care of survivors of brain injury had come a long way over the years, many questions remained without answers.
The Family Changed as Well...
As for the accident’s effect on the family, they too were suddenly changed. The accident “… changed all the goals of the family. The dream of becoming missionaries had to come to an end. Tianna was only 7 ½ years old at the time and she shut down. She had lost her best friend,” said Gary. Denise added, “… [We had] a different daughter than the one we started out with. She would be graduating from high school [in 2004], if it hadn’t been for the accident. She attends school for the ‘social activities’ [but] doesn’t do much learning.” [Social activities can be a learning experience and social skills are important].
She cannot be left alone. The family cannot therefore do any “family” activities, such as go on hikes or camping trips. “Riding in a motorboat is possible as long as there is a dock. Climbing in and out of a boat on the beach is out of the question,” added Gary. Summer holidays for the family now amount to spending time around the swimming pool in the back yard. Denise and Gary have had to give up on the idea of going out alone as a couple. Faith and commitment are helping to keep their marriage intact.
A Day in the Life of Kirbey...
When asked about personality changes, Gary replied that the answer would be, “… no. There are some things that are ingrained in her soul – love, kindness and caring. She understands love. Kirbey has difficulty expressing herself, can fixate on things and becomes discouraged when things do not happen the way she thinks they should happen.”
Her long-term memory is gone but because of her age when the accident happened, she had not made many long-term memories. Kirbey knows that there was an accident but she is not “self-aware” of any differences in herself. She had not yet learned to read and write so she has no such information stored in her memory. According to her mother, Kirbey is now able to make some long-term memories, if “… given enough repetition.”
Because Kirbey needs full time care from when she gets dressed in the morning until she goes to bed at night, there is much concern about who is alone with her. She cannot walk unaccompanied because her balance is still poor, even though she has a leg brace. She “… almost needs a trained professional,” adds Gary. Kirbey also still has seizures and when they occur she is, of course, in danger. The person she is with when it happens has to be able to recognize the seizure and give immediate care. Like many other survivors a constant routine is very important. It gives some stability to her life. Whereas sleep problems are a common occurrence with people who have acquired a brain injury, Kirbey sleeps quite well. In fact, “…she can sleep for upwards of 12 hours, if she does not have a nap during the day,” reports her father.
In concluding our interview, I asked Gary and Denise about their thoughts for the future. I added that there has been concern raised elsewhere about the fate of survivors after their caregivers are unable to continue care. Gary did not pause when he replied that he saw Kirbey as staying with her family. They believe that Kirbey’s welfare would be best if left as ‘normal’ as possible. Kirbey now has three sisters and they will no doubt be willing to care for her when she is older and her parents can no longer. Tianna, being two years older, dotes over her. Her younger sisters only know her as she is now. She has great support from her family, as well as from the community. As for the cost of maintaining care at home, Kirbey received a large financial settlement from insurance and hopefully that will be enough. However, like many other individuals, financial security for the future is something that cannot be foretold.
Now, as a 17 year-old young lady, Kirbey has been attending High School and is always on the go, even though she has great difficulty with mobility. She likes to tell jokes, making up her own punch lines. She also loves music and can often be heard singing. Kirbey does not let her deficits put her down. She is content with the life she has been given, is always happy and that happiness is being passed forward.
[Since this article first appeared the South Okanagan – Similkameen Brain Injury Society’s newsletter ‘Brainwaves’, in the year 2003, there have been two significant events in Kirbey’s life. Tianna is now married and living a few kilometers away. Kirbey was one of the bridesmaids in the wedding ceremony and her face radiated with pride when she walked down the aisle. The two young ladies are still in close contact and her new brother-in-law also loves her.
Kirbey has also graduated from high school, which is one thing her mother feared she would miss. She took part in the graduation ceremonies, including going on stage to receive her diploma. These events may signal an end to one part of her journey and what happens next is unclear. She will be returning to school in the fall, to continue learning her social skills but she cannot remain in school forever. The likelihood of finding gainful employment is virtually nonexistent. In another year, Kirbey will be an adult and adults are on a different playing field. There may be any number of services, such as a support group, available to her then. That raises the question of whether they will help her and whether she will want to take part? There are so many questions and so few answers. As Kirbey advances to this new stage her fate will again be in God’s hands.
This material is provided by:
Lash & Associates Publishing Training Inc.
708 Young Forest Drive, Wake Forest NC 27587
Tel: (919) 562-0015 www.lapublishing.com
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