Let Me Fail after my Brain Injury

By Beverly Bryant, Maine

Wearing the label of brain injury

The right to fail seems to be reserved for that part of the population that is deemed creative, daring, confident and “normal”. Unless I have two good legs, two good arms and an uninjured brain, to fail is no longer a right at all. It is wrong.

Those labeled with a brain injury are told we tend to take on too many responsibilities. We set ourselves up for failure. We must limit ourselves. We need to be selective of our activities and prioritize our needs. We need to learn to say, “No”.
Others can try to do it and strive for that impossible feat.
We cannot set such high goals because we don’t have the endurance.

Others are expected to do their best at all times.
We are not expected to perform with excellence and are forgiven for less than our best.

Others can be daring when they reach for untold heights.
We are using poor judgment.

Others are exciting when they walk where no one’s walked before.
We are foolhardy if we do it and impulsive if we try.

Others are programmed to believe the sky is the limit.
We are programmed to believe the next task is the limit.

Others say, “No” when they wish to be self-assertive and strong.
We say, “No” and are labeled unresponsive and unmotivated.

Others do something different and it is praised.
We do anything and it is analyzed and deciphered.

Others remember well sometimes, but make the same mistakes again.
We do not remember and make the same mistakes again.

Others are absent-minded and laugh about the results.
We have brain injuries and it is not funny anymore.

We are Different, You and I.

At one point, so long ago, we were much the same. We thought the same and even looked the same. Then one day it all changed. Your life kept moving along and mine took a different path. We are both going in the same direction now, but on different pathways. I am sure you will get there before me, yet we will both end up at the same place eventually. That is all that is the same anymore.

No one truly understands brain injury unless, they’ve had to live with one.

If I should lose a limb, it would be a traumatic experience. But I would know what I had left to live with. I could make my own decisions and plan my own life. If they told me tomorrow that I have terminal cancer, I can not imagine the sorrow I would feel. But I could use those forces, spiritual, emotional, and physical that I spent my lifetime building to guide me. I could draw on my memories and the strength of character and personality to carry me through the hard times. I would know who I was, where I was going and what I had to work with.

A person with a brain injury returns home a different person.

My personality is changed. My memory is changed. My work habits are changed. My abilities are changed. My family is changed. My perceptions are changed. My reality is changed. I have to begin again to build those things that made me, ME

I am born again into a warring battle of desires and expectations.

Those who know about my injury expect less of me than I might be able to give. They are surprised when I do more than they believe I am capable of. Those who do not understand my injury expect me to do more than I can and they are disturbed when I cannot reach my old limits.

Yes, we are different, you and I.

You see, I begin from your failure. My best is accepted sometimes as your worst. And sometimes, my worst is accepted as indicative of my best. I am offended. I want better than that. I DEMAND better than that. I am a very capable person. I demand the right to blaze my own trail, wherever it leads; to forge ahead at my own speed, however long it takes and to be my own guide, regardless of how many directions I have to follow. I have the right to choose my own challenges and to follow my own heroes.

I demand the right to excellence.

I not only can do things, I demand to be expected to do them with quality and pride. I am capable and I need to be allowed the opportunity to show you. Like all people who strive for excellence, I will face failure. So occasionally I will need a warm hug or a word of praise or encouragement to pick myself up and begin again. There is no loss in failing because I am making the attempt to succeed and facing the challenge. The only real failure is never trying in the first place.

I have the right to fail.

I do not plan to, but I have that right. No one, absolutely no one, will ever take that right away from me. It is from that failure that I will move onward. It is from that failure that I will grow. It is from those failures that I will dare to be silent no more. It is from those failures that I will forge my excellence. WATCH ME!