Things I´ve Learned after My Brain Injury

I Used to Know That!

By Carole Starr

• Asking for and receiving help are not signs of weakness. They are the first steps toward regaining my independence in accomplishing tasks and goals.

• I am a strong person. I may have weak moments and I may get scared, but my determination, motivation and refusal to give up will always win out.

• I can work toward my goals, but I can also be happy with where I am right now.

• Giving in is not the same thing as giving up. Giving in means taking care of myself and doing what my brain and body need to continue to recover.

• I am not like Humpty Dumpty. My self-confidence, self-esteem and sense of self may have been shattered, but I will be whole again, not just a cracked version of my former self. I will emerge different, but stronger.

• There are things I like about the “new Carole.”

• My empathy and perception skills are stronger.

• I more clearly understand pain, suffering, failure, frustration, depression, loss of hope, and on the positive side, the joy in small things.

• In many ways my life has more balance than it did when I was frantically rushing from one activity to the next.

• I have discovered that I really enjoy making crafts and gifts for family and friends.

• I understand how much a small gesture – a card, a phone call, an e-mail, a hug, a plate of muffins, a flower – can mean to someone who is going through a rough time. These things are often lost in our busy, time-starved world.

• I am closer to my family and friends. Even though some have drifted away, many of my relationships have deepened. I let people in more. I accept help.

• Even though I can’t work right now, my sense of career has never been stronger or clearer.

• I want to help others who are adjusting to having a disability, and I want to incorporate the arts into that. It’s as if the brain injury somehow added the missing piece to the skills I’d developed pre-accident.

• Attaching deadlines to my goals only sets me up for failure, frustration and loss of confidence. My brain is in charge of the pace of my recovery, not some arbitrary deadline.

• Small successes will gradually add up to big successes. I have to break my goals into small, manageable steps.

• I will probably always feel some sorrow when confronted by activities I can’t do yet, but the intensity seems to lessen as time passes and the list of things I can do grows as the “new Carole” gets stronger. I become less attached to the past, more joyful in the present and more hopeful for the future.