I was rushed into brain surgery and found myself home in time for the evening news, that day.

The doctor, when asked why he was discharging me so soon, said: “He looks normal, he talks fine. He’s OK.”

A few days later after re-inflammation, a grand mal seizure suggested I was not OK and was back under the knife, but this time at a proper hospital.

It seems that an epideral hematoma should be carefully monitored as the inflammation can resurface (bad pun).

This created a subderal hematoma (below the cortex i think) which damaged my brain with pressure and blood.

(Blood cells are toxic to brain cells; brain cells need oxygen from blood but blood is worse to brain cells than like 10 freshman years in a frat).

So, due to the doctor’s professional opinion of my normalcy, I suffered far worse damage than the fall itself. The inflammation, unchecked and only discovered after it caused a seizure is why my brain is damaged to such a degree.

Armed with this story and a carefully shaved head (to highlight the scars), I still get “but you’re just fine, this is just as an excuse for your work behavior.”

After months and months of physical/mental rehabilitation, I was allowed to work…I had a seizure the weekend before my first day.

And still, I get the goddammned criticisms. And when someone else is the problem, not me, well: “he’s got a brain injury, we’ll have to do something about that” and not the troublemaker, he gets promoted.

Am I normal and OK? Everyone says so but I don’t feel OK.

Is it this medicine the actual cause of my fractured mind?

Is it everything I lost and can’t seem to get back?

Does any of that even matter? Normal, abnormal, mentally disabled, mentally stable?

If I could ignore other people’s opinion of me, would I solve anything?

Being normal, healthy, successful, wealthy, whatever; it doesn’t matter if a chunk of you’re brain is forever lost.

It is because of the individuals who are willing to share their stories that help remind me that Im going to get through this and, I simply need to accept that this is just the way it is.

Ironically, despite one of the conditions of my specific type of TBI is “supposed” to adversely affect math skills and multi-step problem solving however, similarly to Mateo’s post, I too am a chemistry major and, if you know anything about chemistry; its difficult with a perfectly intact brain but, those not willing to accept defeat from a “minor set back” from a teeny-weeny bump on the head, will unquestionably face challenges however, overcome them.

I am sincerely grateful even for tidbits of info from others testimony. It ALL certainly help keep me grounded when I feel desperate and want to run away.

thank you ALL for your contributions!

I fell off a building in March 2006 as a senior in high school. I was put into an induced coma and after a lot of hospital time and therapy, was able to go back to school at the end of April and graduate high school. I got into UCSB and graduated four years later with a degree in chemical engineering. Obviously, my brain is working.

I did not have any too-significant memory problems through college (or at least they did not surface), but now they seem to be coming out. I cannot recall little details about movies or past experiences that other people have no trouble with. It is hard to carry on conversations with people because I confuse myself when speaking. Telling “stories” to others is so hard it’s almost painful for me.

Now that I’m working (for our family company, which I am very fortunate to be have the opportunity to work for and be included in because I do not know how I could operate in “the real world”), life is hard. I do not consider myself normal, and when I talk or even just make myself present, I feel others judging me.

The struggle continues…and hopefully improves. The only way is for me to just adapt!