Six Stress Resilience Skills for Family Caregivers

Brain Injury Blog by Janet M. Cromer, RN, MA, LMHC 

June 1, 2011 

Six Stress Resilience Skills for Family Caregivers 

Resilient people share certain characteristics. Research has shown that these characteristics include commitment, control, community, calmness, and challenge. Here are a few suggestions to cultivate your stress resilience while caring for a family member. 

I think that the most important change you can make is to believe that you deserve to prioritize time for your mind, body, and spirit every day. Caring for yourself is a basic human right. You have inherent worth, in addition to the services you provide for your loved one. Our actions follow our beliefs, so practice talking to yourself in ways that promote self-worth and respect. 

1. Calmness relates to cultivating your ability to recognize and reverse the stress response before it harms you. Tune in to your personal stress signals and intervene early. Learn relaxed (diaphragmatic) breathing. Pick a form of meditation/relaxation that suits you. Choices include mindfulness meditation, the relaxation response, progressive muscle relaxation, tai chi or yoga, and prayer.Here is some good news for active types. You do not have to sit still to calm yourself and reverse the stress response. An activity that combines focusing your mind, relaxed breathing, and rhythmic, repetitive movements can be very effective. Try walking meditation (away from traffic) or swimming laps.  
2. Commitment relates to making meaning of your current circumstances, finding your purpose, and having dreams/goals for yourself. Taking time to meditate or follow a spiritual practice gives you time to contemplate and listen to what bubbles up. Write in a journal. Take small steps towards making your dream a reality. For example, find an online class or new hobby.
3. Control relates to taking control of the roller coaster responsibilities of caregiving in a healthy way. Figure out one problem that bothers you now. What resources do you already have? What resources and information might you need? What is beyond your control and could be let go? Try to avoid short-term coping with alcohol, food, smoking, etc.
4. Community relates to having a support network to sustain you. Consider a support group that emphasizes new coping skills as well as emotional expression. Ask for help, and be creative about involving a circle of support. Get out of the “Kingdom of Illness” occasionally, take in a comedy, or enjoy live music with friends.
5. Challenge relates to the ability to adapt to and roll with life’s punches. Appreciate how many challenges you have already managed successfully. What did you learn that could be applicable now? Build new skills; seek inspiration from others; celebrate small steps as the wonders they are.
6. I’m not sure if research has shown creativity to be positively linked to resiliency, but I consider it to be an absolute necessity. Creativity is the juice of life! Live creatively! Express yourself in new ways through art, music, drama, writing, movement and dance. Dress with flair, even if you don’t leave the house. Cook a fabulous meal and invite a friend over to share it. Grow your garden, craft a new bookcase or bird bath, sew wildly patterned curtains. It doesn’t matter how long it takes- the process is the fun part.

Resilience is about embracing life with its “full catastrophe” (as Zorba the Greek said.) Resilience is about emerging from a difficult time (or times) with new learning, strength, pride, humility, and zest for tomorrow. With some reflection and practice, we caregivers can return wiser and ready to share our wisdom, humor, and purpose.