Changes in her memory and speech after a traumatic brain injury were difficult losses for Bridgid Ruden. Formerly a busy nurse practitioner, she now found it hard to do even the simplest tasks and errands. Even caring for her children and managing the household were constant challenges and frustrations as she frequently lost items as well as words. So many losses changed her sense of self and were further compounded by seizures. Yet she has found a new purpose in life and is now a powerful advocate and speaker for the many voices of survivors.

I attended an educational conference once where the speaker spoke on individuals with disabilities and how difficult it can be for them to integrate in society and build community. He then went on to give an example on how acquired disabilities can make the task of building community even more difficult due to the individual remembering how they once interacted in community and how they were accepted in society prior to their acquired disability.

Ambiguous loss is also called “mobile mourning” and “chronic sorrow.” It can affect both the survivor and family member in deep and ongoing ways. Family caregivers may recognize it as that strange feeling that the person who survived the brain injury just is not the same person he/she was before. It’s confusing because you may be grateful that the person lived, but grieve for the person he was before. Ambiguous loss matters because it can make it hard for you to find hope or move on in this “new normal” life.

I hope the information I am providing in this article will be meaningful and helpful to a family or traumatic brain injury survivor with some similar issues as Bill. I remember that when this journey began five years ago, I had a difficult time finding information and direction. We have been able to learn about Assistive Technology and incorporate it into our daily lives.

A parent raises a child to become independent,

to no longer need him or her.

There are struggles with independence:

like a young bird trying its wings for the first time.

I began training for my first triathlon in 2008 at age 44, encouraged by my wonderful Pediatric Nurse Practitioner colleagues in Neonatology at the University of Iowa Hospital and Clinics. On May 24, 2008, I began to bike ride 14 miles with my dear friend, Angie Cookman, on a trail in Coralville, Iowa. We came to an area with a large downward and upward hill; we were not speeding and were both wearing helmets. At the bottom of the hill there was a six-foot section of water and mud. I unfortunately hit the muddy area and was thrown 25-30 feet and hit concrete on the right side of my head. The helmet was cracked all the way through on the right side for 1-2 inches. I immediately passed out and started bleeding from my right ear and nose.

Here is an excerpt of Garry Prowe’s fascinating review of Barbara Stahura’s book titled After Brain Injury; Telling Your Story, a Journaling Workbook. To read the entire review simply click here!

Laughter proved to me that I was not dead.

As I regained my skills: breathing on my own, talking,

typing, writing; the laughter remained.

Humor helped to calm the anger I felt.

Poem by Mary Cabtwell written for Michael Grego regarding his hard fight for graduation.

A short poem by By Michael R. Grego on life after TBI.