By Bridgid M. Ruden, ARNP

My memory and speech changed after my brain injury

In May of 2008, I suffered traumatic brain injury following a bicycle accident. I needed four brain surgeries, three of which were life saving entities. The fourth brain surgery replaced my previously infected skull bone with a titanium plate. My brain has responded to this trauma by forcing epilepsy into my system. Such trauma has shocked my mind and body especially since this has changed me. Frequent denial of this experience is my way of coping. Denial clouds aspects of my acquired memory loss and therefore distorts my reality. 

Some of the most challenging aspects I continue to struggle with are aphasia and memory loss. Aphasia is the partial or total loss of the ability to communicate verbally or use written words. I required two years of speech therapy which has improved my aphasia greatly. I continue to experience aphasia in the following ways: 

• Difficulty speaking effectively and recognizing the name of basic objects, streets, animals, food, etc.
• Reading two pages slowly and losing my memory of what I just read.
• Writing accurate sentences, spelling correctly and appropriately and effectively using a computer.
• Noise greatly impacts my ability to focus, concentrate and remember the things I am attempting to complete.

In addition to aphasia, I maintain significant memory loss, which truly impacts my life experiences. Memory loss is a frequent lifelong result for traumatic brain injury survivors. Therefore, I do not feel insane for the occurrence of my situation. I am challenged to understand and remember what people say to me. The slower a person speaks to me significantly enhances my ability to understand. 

I usually forget the names of people and how I met them. In order for me to remember their name, I need to practice saying their name numerous times before it is obtained. In addition, I also have to see a person several times to understand where I met them or what they do. Sometimes I recognize the sound of their voice, potentially linking me to where I met them.  

Searching for all those lost things  

I frequently lose and forget where objects, such as a cell phone, were placed. Therefore, people have a challenging time reaching me. I have lost so many items and recently learned that I find them in the garbage can!  We have had to purchase so many cat litter scoopers! Can you guess where I found the last one? It was in the garbage! Therefore, I continue to check in the garbage for any lost items when it is not too disgusting! 

One of my most embarrassing moments occurred when I was doing laundry. I went to pull out the clothing from the washer and at the top of the clean laundry was a Playtex container that was scattered! All the tampons were still covered with plastic so naturally I tried to save them! When I got to the bottom of the clothes I found a full bag of brownie mix! At this point, I felt as if I had lost my mind, as I had no idea how or why this occurred!  

I have a tendency to forget to put the washed clothes into the dryer and place things in the dryer that I have been asked not to mechanically dry! I frequently forget to take my seizure medicine which is prescribed for the morning and evening. I do not realize that I have not taken it until later in the afternoon or early evening. A properly labeled daily medication container is used but I often forget what day it is to make sure that I took the medication! 

My memory affects my children too.  

Utter sadness is instilled at the loss of my ability to assist with homework, play certain games with my children and cook effectively. Homework was challenging even when they were in elementary school! This was embarrassing and demeaning since prior to this brain injury, I used to be a good speller and could effectively use a computer. When I play simple games with my children, I am slower than previously, forget how to play the games and usually do not win or excel in my understanding or knowledge of the game. In addition, I cannot remember what is supposed to happen tomorrow even when I heard about it the night before. I also have a tendency to burn myself when cooking and forget a recipe I knew before. I need to read a recipe several times, slowly, to comprehend it.  

Steps, seizures and driving bring more challenges

My memory loss and balance issues present themselves when I do not notice or recall uneven ground or steps. I have injured myself when I hiked on a wooded trail, walked on a sidewalk that was altered for the handicapped and when I departed from a podium. It is difficult for me to walk up and down stadium bleachers.  Once I was on a podium platform sharing my story and as I left, I thought that in front of the area was a typical step. But this area was a huge single step downward like the front area of a stage! I am frequently asked, “How did you get your bruises?” Bleeding and bruising can result from secondary side effects of my seizure medicine.

I am finally able to drive again as my seizures have not re-occurred for six months! Being able to drive gives me such joy, especially since I have three children. I often forget where I parked the car or placed the keys. To help me remember where I park when I go shopping, I tell myself over and over again where I parked and which car I drove. The electronic key that activates the horn has been very helpful to me in locating the car. My worse episode occurred as I drove the car into the garage, parked, shut the garage door and headed into the house. There was a strange noise and I didn’t know where it came from. I stepped into the garage and I gasped as the car was still running! 

Losing my sense of self worth and finding a new purpose in life

Sadness, despair and hardship surround my sense of self worth from the dynamics of my memory loss. I also lack the ability to assist with our financial issues which I easily understood previously. I no longer understand when payments are due, what we pay for and have trouble with adding and subtracting! One of the most debilitating consequences of my disabilities is that I no longer have the health care knowledge that I had previously as a Pediatric Nurse Practitioner. My health care knowledge has been significantly diminished! 

Despite the aspects of my disabilities, I have learned and achieved an experience that has returned JOY to my soul! I speak publicly to health care professionals, legislators, survivors and their advocates to share what I have experienced in the process of exploring, managing and recovering from traumatic brain injury. I have achieved validation that my struggles are typical for other survivors. I am amazed and honored that those participants who have heard my story described it as inspirational, a powerful story, personally moving, amazing testimony and beneficial and necessary for health care professionals. Over time, I have slowly and gently learned and gratefully accepted that I still have a purpose in this lifetime!

www.bridgidruden.com

http://bridgidruden.wordpress.com/

Recommended Reading 

Lost and Found  

Barbara Webster

Living Life Fully after Brain Injury: A workbook for survivors, families and caregivers 

Brain Injury Blog by Jessica Felix Jager, MSW

July 22, 2011

Embracing Community and Relationships after a Traumatic Brain Injury

I attended an educational conference once where the speaker spoke on individuals with disabilities and how difficult it can be for them to integrate into society and build community. He then went on to give an example on how acquired disabilities can make the task of building community even more difficult due to the individual remembering how they once interacted in community and how they were accepted in society prior to their acquired disability. I couldn’t help but think to myself, how my current community would change if suddenly I found myself disabled in some form. The reality to this realization was a bit disturbing. It was then that I believe I received but a small glimpse of how one that has survived a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) must feel when dealing with the reality of re-entering community and society. For many the community has not changed, but the survivor has and so the process becomes uncharted territory in many ways.

It is true that remembering how you once were, while trying to embrace who you are as a result of a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) can be a difficult process, however, it can produce powerful and beautiful results in the sense that new opportunities, experiences and ways to help others may be birthed from the hardship that was endured. Before one can experience the positive results of overcoming and stepping out, isolation must be conquered so that community can once again be embraced. Many individuals that have experienced a TBI initially struggle with isolation and getting back into the community.  For some it is an ongoing struggle. Although there are many reasons one with a TBI may find themselves more isolated post the TBI than prior, the purpose of this article is not to identify the reasons one may find themselves isolated, but rather to address why isolation is detrimental to all despite its genesis.

In the article, Social Isolation: A Modern Plague, Stephen Ilardi identifies that 25% of Americans have reported having no meaningful social support at all and that over half of all Americans report having no close confidants or friends outside of their immediate family (Ilardi, 2009). Ilardi’s article highlights this social deficit across humanity, and how this is a problem for all individuals with or without a disability. The deficit in undeniable and the problem of social isolation only increases with those that suffer from a disability. Ilardi identifies increased vulnerability to mental illness as a result of social isolation (2009). Social isolation also is a major risk factor for the onset of major depression and increases vulnerability to various forms of addiction (Ilardi, 2009).

James House points out in his article, Social Isolation Kills, But How and Why, that social isolation has been shown repeatedly to prospectively predict mortality and serious morbidity both in general population samples and in individuals with established morbidity, especially coronary heart disease (2009). The magnitude of risk associated with social isolation is comparable with that of cigarette smoking and other major biomedical and psychosocial risk factors (House, 2009). 

Indeed the need for community is becoming more prevalent. To counter social isolation, one must enter into community with others. Jean Vanier in her book Community and Growth emphasizes that each of us needs to feel appreciated and understood; we all need help. Without dependence upon one another, we cannot grow and develop the capacity of joy (2001). Thomas Reynolds author of Vulnerable Communion passionately states, wholeness is not the property of the individual, a quality of self-sufficiency. It is a relational term; we are not complete persons without each other. What is “mine” is really “ours.” My own joy, my own good, is connected with that of others. The common good of a community is thus not an external constraint imposed on me, but a horizon that empowers the flourishing of relationships in which I can flourish (2008). We need each other. We need community. We are social beings made to interact with one another and work together as one.

The Social Work Dictionary better defines community, as a group of individuals or families that share certain values, services, institutions, interests, or geographic proximity (Barker, 2003). Everyone has values, interests, or is part of an institution of some sort such as a church, school, support group, club and so on. Therefore, everyone has the capability of being further incorporated into a community setting if they so chose to be. Granted some are limited in their resources, but these limits can become another means of community if one allows the limitation to not be an obstacle. For example, if one cannot drive due to the Traumatic Brain Injury they endured which caused their vision to be compromised, and say they wanted to attend a weekly bible study and church service, then he or she can get connected with members that are willing to drive them each week, thus creating a new opportunity for relationship building. A lack of resources or limitations essentially can produce opportunities to problem solve and creatively build new community. Another good example of overcoming the odds is focusing on developing your current interests. If prior to surviving a TBI the individual may have enjoyed horse back riding and working out on the farm, but since the TBI now enjoys reading and won’t go near a horse, then the individual can join a book club and build community on the new found passion. 

Each of us make up the community around us to some extent, therefore each of us play a role in including others and drawing them in. It is evident that social isolation is detrimental and damaging to ones physical, mental and emotional health. If we truly want optimal recovery and an overall better quality of life for our loved one with a Traumatic Brain Injury then we must be advocates of inclusion and do all we can to encourage community and social interactions. The Brain Injury Association of American, in their published guide, The Essential Brain Injury Guide, defines inclusion as the incorporation and welcome of the individual into the community regardless of a disability (2007). By bringing individuals into community with others it allows the Community to play a role in the recovery and normalizing process. We cannot change behavior through a mere technique or a law, change occurs as a result of relationship.

References

References

Barker, R.L. (2003). The Social Work Dictionary (5^th ed). Baltimore, MD: Port City

 Press.

 Brain Injury Association of America (2007). The Essential Brain Injury Guide (4^th ed).

 Ypsilanti, MI: Rainbow Rehabilitation Centers, Inc.

 House, J.S. (2001) Social isolation kills, but how and why? Psychomatic Medicine, 63,

 273-274. Retrieved June 28, 2011, form

 http://www.psychosomaticmedicine.org/content/63/2/273.short 

 Ilardi, S. (2009). Social Isolation: A modern plague. Retrieved June 28, 2011 from

 http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/30862

 Reynolds, T.E. (2008). Vulnerable communion: A theology of disability and hospitality.

 Grand Rapids, MI: Brazos Press.

 Vanier, J. (2001). Community and growth. Mahwah, NJ: Paulist Press.

Brain Injury Blog by Janet Cromer, RN, MA, LMHC

June 16, 2011

Ambiguous Loss- It’s the Sorrow that Doesn’t End

Ambiguous loss is also called “mobile mourning” and “chronic sorrow.” It can affect both the survivor and family member in deep and ongoing ways. Family caregivers may recognize it as that strange feeling that the person who survived the brain injury just is not the same person he/she was before. It’s confusing because you may be grateful that the person lived, but grieve for the person he was before. Ambiguous loss matters because it can make it hard for you to find hope or move on in this “new normal” life.

What does ambiguous mean? It means unresolved or without closure. Consider that when someone dies, our community usually gathers for a funeral or other rituals. Everyone participates to acknowledge the death and support the family. However, when a person lives through a moderate-severe brain injury, his personality, emotions, or behavior may change in ways that are very different. But there is no ritual for a community to rally around the grieving family. When the survivor “looks like nothing happened” on the outside, the situation gets even more confusing. The survivor may be present in the family physically, but absent psychologically because of emotional or cognitive changes. Perhaps he can’t perform his roles in the family as before. His memory may be impaired, so he doesn’t even remember the personal stories families cherish.

Ambiguous loss (AL) has a few features worth understanding:

• The loss is always about relationships. It is an extremely stressful type of loss.
• It is a normal response to a very traumatic situation. Feeling the loss doesn’t mean you’re not coping well or that you have mental health problems. It does mean you deserve to find help.
• There is often uncertainty about whether the survivor will return to being his former self, or how long that might take. There are no guarantees or time frames.
• The caregiver may have a range of conflicted feelings about this “newer” person, and her ability to love and care for him. She may feel angry and betrayed one day, grateful and engaged on another day. It’s all normal.
• AL is not the same as depression. However, it can contribute to depression, anxiety, conflicts, illness, or explosive emotions if not tended to.
• AL can go on for months or years, and lead to physical and emotional exhaustion.

We all know about the primary losses that happen with brain injury. That includes the brain functions and bodily impairments caused directly by the brain injury. However there are many secondary losses for both the survivor and caregiver. For the survivor, there might be changes in identity, relationships, roles, vocation, and finances. All huge and traumatic.

For the caregiver, the secondary losses may seem more subtle and harder for others to recognize. When my husband Alan had a severe anoxic brain injury, some of my losses included leaving a job I liked very much, giving up relationships with colleagues and clients, and limiting personal freedom since Alan could not be left alone. Most of all, we lost the mutuality that couples take for granted. Alan was rebuilding his sense of who he was, and he didn’t know anything about me beyond what I did to care for him. His ability to empathize and participate in our familiar roles was gone. He just was not the same Alan or same husband.

What can we do to live with ambiguous loss without becoming hopeless or sick? We can try to recognize, learn to cope, and move forward. There are many ways to approach this, so I’ll start with a few key points:

1. Recognize what’s going on. Underneath that confusion is a long list of the losses, changes, and conflicted thoughts and feelings. Spend some time writing without censoring yourself. Talk to other family members about their observations. Talk to the survivor about what bothers him/her most. Naming a problem or loss does not make it worse. It can bring it into the light so healing can begin.
2. Find a safe and supportive connection. Consider talking to an experienced therapist, counselor, or spiritual leader. Ask if they know about ambiguous loss in advance. You deserve help from someone who understands the issue. A good support group can lift the burden by talking to others with the same problem and learning how to make meaning and find hope.
3. Make meaning of the situation. Over time, come to a shared understanding of what’s been lost for each family member. Also focus on what remains and can be built on. Take the time to mourn whenever you feel the need. It is not disloyal to mourn for someone while getting to know the person now present. Perhaps a spiritual practice or faith can offer solace or guidance.
4. Get to know the survivor as the person he is now. You can gradually rebuild family roles, rituals, and rules to live by. I wrote about how we began in this post.
5. Incorporate humor and fun whenever possible.
6. Adopt “both/and” thinking. That means you become comfortable with the paradox instead of needing to think in “all or nothing” ways. I thought, “I’m worried and angry about Alan’s difficult memory problems, and I know the new strategies we’re practicing will help a lot.”
7. Find hope and new options. The situation may not change completely, but you can choose new sources of hope and new things to hope for. Explore and appreciate all the options open to you to move in a new direction, one small step at a time.

Thank you for reading all the way through this very long article! I consider ambiguous loss to be one of the most important challenges survivors and families can face and master. There are several good resources for more information on this Lash and Associates website. I’ve also followed the work of Dr. Pauline Boss for many years. In future posts, I’ll go into the approaches in more detail.

Posted by Ginger Bristow Gaitor

January 24, 2011

Assistive Technology to attain independence

I hope the information I am providing in this article will be meaningful and helpful to a family or traumatic brain injury survivor with some similar issues as Bill. I remember that when this journey began five years ago, I had a difficult time finding information and direction. We have been able to learn about Assistive Technology and incorporate it into our daily lives.

This week was particularly stressful for us.  Since Bill’s Respiratory Failure and Pneumonia, following a seizure, he is seeing a throat specialist and speech pathologist to deal with some swallowing problems caused by mucous building up between his vegus nerve and his left vocal cord which has become paralyzed. This could be causing his choking and possible aspiration. This is all new for us.

It will mean some changes in program and services, since he cannot have home health nurse come and receive outpatient services at the same time.  We may lose our nursing care that I depend on so much to physically check him out and pour his medication. 

We are trying to get Bill as independent as possible.

Due to Bill’s short term memory and inability to read, I handle the medications. But when my thyroid was removed, it affected my parathyroid causing calcium level problems in my body and memory issues of my own.  Bill felt that I had more than enough to handle and requested his service coordinator provide a nurse through his TBI program to pour the medications. 

We were able to order an electronic pill dispenser, which once set automatically rotates to the next medication dose.  There are still some problems with this, since it will rotate to the next level automatically, if he sleeps through a dose, he might miss the previous medications.  Most often, it works well as he is not alone often, and usually I handle the medication if timing is an issue.

This system is working well for Bill and he is comfortable knowing approximate times when he takes his medications.  He tries to count how many there are but would not be able to tell what they are.  Baby steps. 

Telephone Use and Numbers

After a year of intensive cognitive work and trying to bring back Bill’s ability to read, we decided to keep working but also to try some things that would add more independence to his life. Since he could not remember phone numbers, or dial 7 – 11 numbers at once, I contacted our phone company for some assistance. 

We were able to obtain a push button phone, which is pre-programmed with numbers. He has photos on several buttons, and knows the location of other important people on his list. He can call me if I am out and he wakes from a nap and I am not here. We have a “cue” since he cannot read a note that says, Gone to the store, call me.  This is a pink sticky note in the shape of a heart that is taped to the phone when I go out without telling him first.  He has managed to remember this pretty well and usually calls.

When he wants to call a member of his family he can do so by pressing their picture without assistance from me or anyone else.  That is a major plus for him.  Some of his team has been added recently and his Dr. and 911 of course are on there.  It is a slow process, but a positive one I recommend if you need it.  Bill has recently loss the hearing in one of his ears, and this phone also has a volume control for the hard of hearing.  At this time, Bill is unable to manage the several steps it takes to use a cell phone, but it is still on our list to investigate. It may work well for your loved one.

Seizure Disorders concerns

This picture is of a high powered magnet that Bill uses to swipe is Vegus Nerve Stimulator, a device that was implanted into his chest, with wires that stimulate the nerve and serve as a pacemaker for his brain. That is the easier way for me to explain it. 

If your spouse is having seizures that are not being controlled by medication, you can ask your neurologist or neurosurgeon about this.  The first one failed, electronically and had to be completely replaced last year. This is the last one he will receive due to the size of the nerve where the wires are wrapped.  This is part of the reason for the swallowing problem as I understand it.  This device may be controlling Bill’s seizures that had been causing monthly hospital stays.

Are You Safe When I Leave You Alone?

I know this is a huge question in the mind of caregivers and those who have elderly parents who live alone.  Bill has something called a Link to Life, and he wears a button on his wrist that he can push if he gets confused, if he has a seizure and I am not at home. If he is unable to walk to reach the phone he can just push the button. The problem is that he is unaware that he needs to push the button during a seizure. We have watched him shake his head no at the idea of calling the doctor or 911 enough times to know that it is essential we find other alternatives.

A neighbor heard a talk at the local senior center and was kind enough to bring me a brochure on a new device he will wear around his neck that will call the assistance center automatically in the event that he falls.  He almost fell yesterday, and I was in the kitchen.  We will receive this device soon, and I am happy to say I will be more relieved when I leave him by himself. One of the restrictions for this device is that you must have a land-line that is not sponsored by cable.  That will hold some people back.

Bill does not have dementia or Alzheimer’s, but when his brain reaches fatigue, he can become quite confused. Each of these devices enable him to both feel and be more independent.  I urge you to look into any of them that will help keep your loved one safe.

By Michael R. Grego 

A parent raises a child to become independent,

to no longer need him or her.

There are struggles with independence:

like a young bird trying its wings for the first time.

The parent bird nudges the fledgling from the nest, looking on,

ready to catch him should he fall.

There is conflict

as a young man attempts to develop

his own values and mores,

often in opposition to the parent.

Rebellion is, after all, common among the young

struggling with their own developing psyche.

So you argue.

You compromise.

You come to agreements.

And eventually this young man leaves home.

He is on his own.

The parent worries,

feels pride… and feels the loss.

Separation does not come easily

but it comes as naturally

as a young cub leaving the den where he was once protected

and is now ready to face the world on his own.

But what about the parent who is dealt the news

that her son has been in an accident?…

that he has a brain injury?…

that his future is now

a part of a void of the unknown?

Mom and dad sit by his bed

as machines keep him alive.

They pray.                   They touch him.

They make deals with God because they have nothing to lose.

They hope.           They despair.

They search for any sign of that independence

that was their life’s work.

They are numb with worry, with fear.

Everything in their life comes to a halt.

Life, literally, STOPS for them as they wait to hear,

to see what will happen…to feel again…

What will happen to their child?

For more poems by Mary and Michael see:

Musings with Mary and Michael

By Mary C. Cantwell and Micahel R. Grego

If you look it up in the dictionary, it will tell you that ‘musing’ means:

• noun: a calm lengthy intent consideration

• adjective: persistently or morbidly thoughtful; pensive; pondering

By Bridgid Ruden

From bicycle to brain injury

I began training for my first triathlon in 2008 at age 44, encouraged by my wonderful Pediatric Nurse Practitioner colleagues in Neonatology at the University of Iowa Hospital and Clinics.   On May 24, 2008, I began to bike ride 14 miles with my friend, Angie Cookman, on a trail in Coralville, Iowa.  We came to an area with a large downward and upward hill; we were not speeding and were both wearing helmets. At the bottom of the hill there was a six-foot section of water and mud.    I unfortunately hit the muddy area, lost control of my bike, and hit the concrete on the right side of my head.  The helmet was cracked all the way through on the right side for 1-2 inches.   I immediately passed out and started bleeding from my right ear and nose. 

When I arrived at University of Iowa Hospital Emergency Treatment Center I was in and out of consciousness and then began to suddenly vomit.  I wore a neck brace as I had a fracture of the C6 (cervical spinal injury) and had also broken my right clavicle.  The CT scan revealed that my right side of my skull was fractured with a small amount of internal bleeding. Also, my left temporal lobe was bruised and bleeding.   The neurosurgeon advised immediate surgery to remove a left skull bone flap to release internal pressure and allow my brain to swell. I had the first surgery that morning but by the mid-afternoon I required a second surgery since the small hematoma on the right side of my head grew to be about fist-sized.    This large blood clot was causing brain compression and a midline shift. The purpose of the second surgery was to remove the large blood clot and cauterize the torn blood vessel. I had the value of a six on the Glasgow Coma Scale; the best level is fifteen.  Therefore, I was in a coma for about eight days.

Traumatic brain injury miracle

On 6/4/08 a physician sutured my left ear to protect the movement of my cerebral spinal fluid that my left ear was draining. On 6/8/08 the cerebral spinal fluid was still draining, I was more lethargic, and had worsening vital signs.  An MRI showed that I had a brain infection and required immediate surgery to culture, clean and irrigate the area.  In hindsight, which still amazes me, I have been told by several physicians, who have looked at my CT’s and MRI, say, “Bridgid, you are a miracle!” 

On 6/10/08 I was returned to the neurology step-down area after I had my right head staples and hemovac removed.  On this day, I exceeded everyone’s expectations!  I opened my eyes independently and they were bright and responded more frequently.  For the very first time, I was able to follow commands and simple directions.  My family felt that this was my most remarkable experience.

Struggle with aphasia

Over the next few days, I made remarkable steps forward to a surprising recovery. I spoke my first words in three weeks!!  My voice was very soft but what I said when the physician removed the tracheotomy was “thank you!”  I would struggle with the right words and I would not understand questions.  I slept with a fan every night and instead of me calling it a fan, I called it “an electric flower.”  This type of language was the result of aphasia a speech condition caused by the brain injury.  Occasionally, I don’t remember words and sometimes I make up words and I struggle with spelling and reading. 

Balancing brain injury recovery and motherhood

I left St. Luke’s Hospital on 7/3/08 and I was so thrilled!  The accident had happened nearly six weeks before.  However, I couldn’t be the same busy mom I had been prior to my accident.  I still had a long way to go in recovery. I returned to the University of Iowa for titanium bone flap replacement surgery on 8/5/08 since my right bone flap was found to be contaminated with bacteria (anaerobic strep).  Unfortunately, in January, I suffered from a grand-mal seizure.  I was doing more work than I should have taking care of my children and didn’t get a nap that day.  My son Ryan saw me fall head first on the hard wood floor in the kitchen.  He called 911 and turned me to my side and pinched my nose so that I could breathe!  Ryan is my hero!

Seizures can be another part of brain injury and additionally so is depression and post traumatic stress disorder.  I have dealt with all of these unfortunately, but what else has helped me survive?  Healthy food and working out. I exercise 5-6 days per week with running, biking, weight lifting or yoga.  I have amazed my physicians because I refuse to give up!  I rode my bike on the same trail one year after my accident; that day I prayed to the angels to help me survive and I did it!  I cried as I peddled beyond the previous area of trauma but the tears where from the JOY that I felt in my soul.   Another powerful aspect of healing from brain injury is the power of music and dance.  I was scared of my dizziness and memory loss but nine months after my accident, I was able to perform a Latin dance at the Iowa Dance Fest! 

Accidents, especially severe head injuries, change people without warning.  However, they don’t take away all our abilities to heal and to adapt.  If you have one, just remember that every day you get a little bit better.  You can make unbelievable progress with love and support from family and friends as you work hard in speech, occupational, and physical therapy.   It just takes time and refusing to give up!  I am so grateful for all that I have accomplished and the outstanding medical care I received from the University of Iowa Hospital and Clinics and St. Luke’s Hospital.  I wish for you to believe in your own strength and ability to endure whatever helps you heal from your brain injury.

January 5, 2011

Here is an excerpt of Garry Prowe’s fascinating review of Barbara Stahura’s book titled After Brain Injury; Telling Your Story, a Journaling Workbook. To read the entire review simply click here! 

One healthy way to address these negative emotions is through journaling. As described by Barbara Stahura and Susan B. Schuster in their book After Brain Injury: Telling Your Story, journaling is a way to “explore all aspects of your life and the emotions connected to them.” Journaling, they write, can lead to “physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual healing, change, and growth.”

To read the entire review simply click here! 

By Michael R. Grego

Movies made me laugh when I could do nothing else.

I would sit in my wheelchair, breathing through a tube

and find humor in movies.

Laughter proved to me that I was not dead.

As I regained my skills: breathing on my own, talking,

typing, writing; the laughter remained.

Humor helped to calm the anger I felt.

The anger was necessary for my survival;

helping me to keep hold of my sanity.

The laughter helps me deal with anger issues:

fury, frustration, temper, or disappointing moments.

When anger would overwhelm me,

someone would be there to tap into that mirth;

and help me move away from the anger.

As the anger became less a daily challenge,

and I became more capable to function on my own,

the humor gained a more important role in my recovery.

My ability to laugh and enjoy my new life keeps me going each day.

My family and friends know how to use humor with me

and to assist me with problems

that life seems to throw in my way these days.

Laughter smoothes out the wrinkles.

For more poems by Mary and Michael see:

Musings with Mary and Michael

By Mary C. Cantwell and Michael R. Grego

If you look it up in the dictionary, it will tell you that ‘musing’ means:

• noun: a calm lengthy intent consideration

• adjective: persistently or morbidly thoughtful; pensive; pondering

By Mary for Michael

May 25, 2007

Dignified and erect, he rides in the procession,

crimson gown flowing over wheels that carry him along.

The cap rests jauntily on his head.

The tassel hangs irritatingly by his cheek.

With prideful posture, he listens to the speakers,

young men and women reviewing their years together

addressing the hopes and dreams of their future.

Row by row they strut to the stage.

One by one they shake the hands of their mentors.

Families and friends fill the bleachers, savoring the pomp.

Soon it’s his turn.

He rolls to the front in line with his classmates.

Helpful hands support him as he mounts the stairs.

He walks across the stage.

Prideful tears wet the faces of many of the watchers,

hearts bursting with affection and pleasure.

He puts out his good hand and accepts the diploma

that he worked so hard to earn.

The smile on his face says it all.

The shining faces of the family reflect their joy and pride.

Success tastes sweet to all.

For more poems by Mary and Michael see:

Musings with Mary and Michael

By Mary C. Cantwell and Micahel R. Grego

If you look it up in the dictionary, it will tell you that ‘musing’ means:

• noun: a calm lengthy intent consideration

• adjective: persistently or morbidly thoughtful; pensive; pondering

By By Michael R. Grego

wheelchair

accommodating, electronic

driving, mobilizing, liberating

grace, freedom, embarrassment, hating

segregating, disregarding, immobilizing

lonely, handicapped

prisoner

For more poems by Mary and Michael see:

Musings with Mary and Michael

By Mary C. Cantwell and Michael R. Grego

If you look it up in the dictionary, it will tell you that ‘musing’ means:

•       noun: a calm lengthy intent consideration

•       adjective: persistently or morbidly thoughtful; pensive; pondering