Introduction
Most people have never heard of Traumatic Brain Injury. I know I hadn’t. Then one day it slipped into my life, like the thief it is. I never saw it coming.
Traumatic Brain Injury can be described as an injury to the brain that is caused by external forces. It is not caused by illness or aging. It often produces a diminished or altered state of consciousness, which results in temporary or permanent impairment of cognitive abilities or physical functioning. It may result in the disturbance of behavioral or emotional functioning. It may also cause partial or total functional disability, or psychosocial maladjustment.
No one expects that TBI will ever happen to them. Other medical conditions have been dramatized and advertised. There aren’t many people who haven’t in some way been affected, made aware, or warned of cancer and its implications. Muscular dystrophy, multiple sclerosis, cystic fibrosis, AIDS, heart disease, etc. are all discussed openly and we know of their devastation. We are constantly made aware that one out of every so many families will become affected. No one ever thinks that they are going to be disabled with a head injury….and yet, more people in America today are suffering from head injury than any of the above.
My journey in search of wings is one that many others have taken before me and a journey that too many others will follow. It is an experience that no one should have to take. I’ve asked myself over and over again. Why Me? But WHY doesn’t matter very much. The fact is, it could happen to anybody at anytime.
There is no cure, only prevention. In order to prevent it, we must be made aware. When head injury strikes, it is with the speed of lightning. Its effects go on for a very long time, often forever.
Sometimes, there is no survivor.
Sometimes, the devastating physical effects are very obvious. Sometimes, you cannot see or find the myriad of deficits, for they lie hidden within a web of normalcy.
All types of head injury hurt, and change with time. Survivors need to be, not only aware, but convinced of that.
I am a survivor, and hopefully, by releasing, sharing and recovering part of myself, it will help in diagnosis, understanding and acceptance of traumatic brain injury.
Much of this book has been written by piecing together entries in my memory book during that time. As a cross reference to incidents, I used my medical records, my daily notes, and my family and nurses’ corroboration for accuracy.
The poetry readings, remnants, were personal thoughts and feelings I was never able to express or tell anyone at the time, but I remember them well. Sometimes, in the retelling, I have made them humorous. Looking back now, they were. At the time, however, there was no laughter.
Nothing about brain injury is funny. Nor are the effects to be taken lightly. I have to laugh at my own experiences, or I would cry forever for what I have lost.
By reading IN SEARCH OF WINGS, the medical specialists, professionals, nurses, therapists, and the head injury teams will know that their work is needed and appreciated. Even if their patients are unable to tell them.
Hopefully, by sharing IN SEARCH OF WINGS, the families who deal with survivors on a day-to-day basis will see that we love them and are trying to do the best we can. It is hard for all of us, especially them.
Hopefully, by writing IN SEARCH OF WINGS, it will release me from some of the haunting memories of the past, the constant fear of reoccurrence, and the anger I still feel for the me that’s left. For the survivor, it is a constant struggle.
Those who are far enough along in their own trek can read it and recognize that the fear, anger, hope, and frustrations they are experiencing are all part of the recovery process.
Most of all, that while they struggle silently in search of wings, they are not now, nor will ever be, alone.
